Examples of coaching questions

What kind of coaching questions can we work on?

Below you will find a number of examples from clients I worked with. Maybe you recognize some of these issues, but your question can also be something completely different.

The only way to find out if I can assist you, is by having a talk. So do not hesitate to contact me!

I have just 'come out' – how and to whom am I going to tell this at work?

This is an issue most gay and bi-sexual people know. Once you are at the point that you want to share with others that you are either gay or bi, the question arises how to address this 'hot topic'. How do you tell your family, friends, colleagues and other people? Who are you going to tell first and how do you start such a talk? En how to deal with the different reactions you will receive?

It helps to think of a strategy and different scenarios on how to go about this. There is no guaranteed success formula that works anything anywhere. But you will see that you can be pleasantly surprised sometimes at how people react to your story.


I work in a so-called 'macho' culture. How do I deal with that?

Every work environment and sector has a certain culture. Unwritten rules that everybody abides by within a company or business. This culture connects people: You share values with each other and are part of a group. That is a good feeling.

But if the values within the group do not automatically fit with who you are, it can be very confusing to work in such an environment. For instance in very technical or engineering driven jobs or on factory floors, where the image of the 'macho man' is often the norm. How does a gay person fit in?

In every culture there are strong and weak elements and it is important not to focus only on the elements that you do not feel comfortable with. You probably also have a lot in common with the colleagues you work with or the customers you service. It is essential to stress the elements you find important and to keep your sense of self-worth in tact. Together we can figure out what this means to you and how you can play a valuable role in your company culture, for yourself and your colleagues.

I want to have a long-term relationship, but just keep dating

It is human nature to look for other people and to engage in meaningful relationships. But that does not make it easy! Especially these days, where the idea of a relationship is strongly influences by what we read and see in the media: Fairytales with sometimes a little bump in the road, but they always live happily ever after...

In reality it is quite hard to find a partner to share a life with and build a future together. It has to do with your character, your ambitions, and expectations - for yourself and for the other person. Besides that, for gay men the sexual aspect is often very important in their relationship. Everything has to be 'just right'.

We will look at you expectations and see how real they are. Is it really necessary to find that single superman or woman? How do you see a relationship in a year, or 10 or 30 years? What kind of strategies have you used to get to know potential marriage material and what kinds of patterns developed in the relationships you had?

Is that all there is…..?

A great job, nice friends, fun things to do and travelling wherever you want to go! Everything is set! And yet you sometimes wonder if this is it. Is anything really going to change in my life? What is my contribution to society? To the world? What will be my legacy?

Very good and powerful questions that every person (hopefully) will encounter at some point in their life. For gay people these questions usually pop up a little bit earlier, between 35 and 45. Once they have settled down and things are going smoothly, there is suddenly room to think about other things. The phases in the lives of gays are often very different from those who are straight and have children.

It is very useful to figure out what you find important and how much energy you want to invest. This can lead to many different things. A career move, a child wish, volunteering, investments for now or later.

My new partner has children…

I have a relationship with a man and he has children. This is new to me and I do not know how to handle that well. How do I connect with these children?

A new partner with children from a previous (heterosexual) relationship offers a number of new challenges. How often does your partner see the children and what kind of parent is he/ she? Are you going to play a role in the lives of these children or will you stay in the background? What will your role entail and how can you make it work?

We will find out what it means to have children in your life and in the relationship with your partner. What do you like about it? What makes it exciting? Mainly through trial and error will you discover how you relate to the children and whether it can lead to new and enriching experiences.